Believe

I was happy but after listening to you i was not anymore. My heart was full with doubt. A lil part of me regretted asking you the question. Now i know what peole say oblivious is being blissful. I dont know what to do. The facts are staring glaringly at me and yet i could not make myself see it.
After that, when walking back to class, my legs were pratically weak. I felt like i was going to drop on my knees any minute. I was dragging myself each step i take closer to the class. My heart was so tight. I do not know what to do or face it. At one point I was so high on top and again i fall back so quickly.
I feel like i'm walking on a very thin piece of ice with you and that any of my movement may crack the ice, and that i would drown in it. I cannot go through it again at least not so close after the thing.
Can people change? Can they change for the better when everything you hear are bad news? or are u just fooling yourself?
I want to hope but deep down i feel like i would not be able to last again if u betray me. I do not know how to respond as all my hopes are now shattered due to reality.

New Light

So far my days have become better. Not much sadness in it anymore. I felt really happy for the first time after a very long time. I think this time i am truly awaken from it. I really can let go now and not be sad or hurt when i see it. I finally realize that i deserve someone so much more better. I deserve it and i am willing to look for it. When i do comparisons, you fall short in everything. I was too blind at that point to see it. Now that i do, i realize that you were nothing. Nothing about you was good. So i would not care anymore or even bother thinking of it.
You cross it so thats the end of it.

I hope and yet i feel afraid of being hurt again. Half of me want to try and yet i'm so scared to do it. I just hope that my feelings would not be rip part by part anymore again.
Is it me just being blind again. How i wish deep down it would not be and that i would know the truth.
Aware of every moment of it n appreciate it. Never have i ever been so bold

Fun

So excited about today. Later at night will be having bbq with my family.
I was craving for so long for bbq food and finally we are doing it later at night.
Woohoo something to lift my spirits up =)

No matter how i try to not think about it, to not mind it, thinking is just them being them it somehow manages to bug me and make me feel darn low.
I mean i do try, i do everything i could and yet it is not enough.
Somehow they just know the right button to push me.
So it made me the way i am where i dont really bother as i know i will never be in it.
I learn to go through it,talk, laugh, smile and etc.
Everyhing covers it.
Dig deeper than you would see me.
I do not tell, i would not ask that is just the way how i protect myself.

Is like water and flame. It would never go together.
When things happen, i just look away and away.
This is so tiring and hard.
I wonder how long i could keep it up.

I did dreamt. It was the nicest dream ever. In there everything was how i wanted it to be. i was really blissful and contented. I did not have troubles and i did not worry. It was just me and my guy. He was so close and real. I could feel him there. Everytime he waits for me in my dream i was happy that there was someone waiting and who cares about me so much. Like i was his source of energy. His hug comforts me more than ever. Just being him is enough for me.
Yet when i'm awake all i am left with is nothing.

Hands

this was an interesting week. Celebrated my friends birthday. First time celebrating for 3 friends at the same time.. The restaurant was souled out and it was a good diner to dine it. The services was ok and the interior was nicely decorated..
The food was equally yummy too and thanks to my great friends i had a chance to try quite a few dishes..Thanks people for sharing =)

Had a great time with my friends. To see them smile and everyone laughing together was just perfect. It was a good moment. An event can really bring people much closer to each other and is great cause is good to know someone better.

Today had ice skating. Ankles are in a lil pain. However, it was so enjoyable to skate with my friends.
Jerrod: was like a super human..haha..eventhough his ankle was hurt he just continued skating.. The drive haha and his gloves were really a funny sight
Danny: the super stable one..he skates as if he was walking on land, minding his own business.
Thian Hoe: Haha fall a few times but finally manage to get a hang of it. Haha one thing that he is not good in.muahaha
Ai: The pro skater. Quoted by her " I wont fall one"
Ezen: The quick learner..But man she could walk on ice haha..

Enjoyed every moment of it. Of course we did fall. ezen fell followed by me
Bum both of us had a wet butt haha but i did not mind it at all.
It was fun holding hands together and skate. When you have support you wont fall easily.

p/s: danny's 101 skating theory: Do not bend your feet inwards but just leave it like u're standing and maintain a v shape. Then skate!!!!!!!!!!

My Purple

I miss being in korea now when i'm back in malaysia. There was a change in environment. Everyday was something new and nobody you knew was there. A nice vacation and i miss it now.
I'm also missing my purple hat which provided me with unending benefits.
It kept me warm when i felt so cold.
I could feel its warmth, keeping me in peace.
It kept me comfortable.
It made me happy.
It was the color that i like and wanted.
It was always there.
It only left me when i wanted it too.
It stayed stuck to me no matter how hard the wind was blowing.
It did not bothered with my frustrations.
It just stayed with me the whole time.
It was always there for me.

Everything i will let go. I would not hold anything back anymore.
I'm letting go of everything. Do not come back or turn back. Freedom is an opportunity
As i know my purple hat would always be with me =)

hurdles along the ways

no matter how you try to avoid a problem, sooner or later it will just keep coming back over and over again. The only way is just to deal with it. If you don't I mean how long more can you run right? If only it will just go poof gone lol..ahh wishful thinking.